Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
