i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
