Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
