"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
