I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
