i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
