Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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