ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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