Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I FOUND THE LEGS
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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