The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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