tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
