I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
