Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
