You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
