sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She needs sedatives and a leash
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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