Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
