I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
