I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
