dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
