I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
