I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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