I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
