You made me cry and you don't even care
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
