i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
All I want is dick and wine.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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