Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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