garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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