Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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