don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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