I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
