school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
