Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
