I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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