Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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