I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
