Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
