Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Barsexuality is the new black.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
