please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
