Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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