I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
