Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
