Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
