"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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