school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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