i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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