I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
