She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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