So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
