You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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