if you like me you must not know who I am
I skipped work to stalk him.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
