Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
